2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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