I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
