2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
