Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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