I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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