The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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