It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
