I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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