i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
