maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
