Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
