Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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