I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
