Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
