I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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