Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
