He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
