How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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