oh god the rape fog is back!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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