we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
