Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im holly from the hills drunk
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
