She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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