so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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