eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
