She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
