I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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