You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
