soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
