I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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