It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
FUCK WHALES
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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