dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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