Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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