I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
