i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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