i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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