I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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