thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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