It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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