I just made out with a guy for $7.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
