NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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