someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
