i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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