just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
