Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
