I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
