So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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