Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
