She is in my trunk
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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