Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
