Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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