I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
