Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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