I just pynch a tree in the face
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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