mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
