White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
