You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
