for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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