Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize