Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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