They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
BRING THE BAGELS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
