sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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