Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dating After Heartbreak
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously