my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.