whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
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Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask