dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?