You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.