I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line