Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it