Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.