DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE