never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
