We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
