It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
