I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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