If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
