i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize