you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
