It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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