U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
