just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
