It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
