She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
