I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
