Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
