I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
