Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
