he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
