WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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