Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
