She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize