oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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