I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
