How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ttyl tear gas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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